Moody Mummy (Missing my Nana)

So yes, I have been very moody oftentimes when I am alone and can be with my thoughts. It's not all my fault.  Yes I am very much pregnant however this has more to do with how I am being treated by my family.  I am slowly trying to get over it.  But how would you feel if you were the FIRST Granddaughter having the FIRST Granddaughter. Wouldn't you think that this was a special moment that everyone should be glad in? And I know that my business isn't off the ground how I want it to be however every business takes time. And I know that people can be disappointed and upset with me however I am happy so they should be. But they never are. About anything that I do.  It makes me miss my Nana even more. 

I guess that's why this is hard. She was only alive for my eldest son, her Hershey Kiss and then she left us that summer. She didn't get to meet Jordan although his corny jokes remind me of her. And this little one is gonna be absolutely phenomenal and I really would love it if she was just here with me. I have missed her for so long. She understood me, not only as her Granddaughter, but as an Artist. I remember laying in her lap and she used to stroke my hair and I would just cry. Or how she used to make my lunches for me and packed enough for my friends Kenya and Kelly. Or how I used to sing her my Aria's and she didn't know what I was saying or in what language but to her it was beautiful.

If I could see her face to face I would love to say this to her:

Nana, I am pregnant with your first Great-Granddaughter. She has a father and a mother who love each other and her very much. And we know that it isn't going to be easy with the older children and her little self running around however we believe in each other and support each other and we are going to make this work.  I don't want you to be upset with me or tell me what you think that I am doing wrong but you would never say that anyway.  You will worry and I don't want you to. I want you to be happy. I want you to be here with me every tear, baby kick, ultrasound and craving that I may have. I am going to finish school because he supports me and isn't gonna let me quit. Plus, I am your Grandchild and quitting has never been an option. Yes, I have tried to work on the relationship with my parents however it just seems that they want perfection and everyone has trials and tribulations that they go through. For some reason my parents seem to not remember struggling or being their own person or choosing their own paths.  Aren't you glad that I'm not alone in them? I am trully blessed. We are trully blessed.  Now come give me a hug and kiss and let's cook something amazing.

This is what I would say this.  Writing this to you guys has been very therapeutic for me and I am wiping up my tears as we speak.  Pregnancy is a crazy and happy time in your life however it can be even happier with the support of your loved ones.